This morning I sat on the floor of my messy bedroom, on a carpet that needs a hoover, next to a pile of dirty clothes to wash and a pile clean clothes to put away. I sat there with my heavy head in my hands, hot tears silently rolling down my cheeks, wishing I was somewhere else. Away from the boys arguing on the floor below and the long day stretching in front of me.
School drop off, back to try and clean the house, squeeze in some playtime with Ava, work, lunch, more of the same, school pick up, dentist appointment, tea, arguing, bath, bedtime, more work, then bed. Inane jobs and an inane existence that left me wondering on the floor of my bedroom this morning how my life turned into this.
I didn’t want to have to get dressed, sort out the drama downstairs, paint a smile on my face for the School run. I wanted to stay on the floor of my bedroom and carry on crying.
This isn’t how I pictured life. A job I’m trapped in with no where to go, a constantly messy house no matter how hard I try. Working 2 jobs with no time off and still no money.No sleep, no time, no break!
I promised I would take better care of myself, create some time, but it seems impossible when my to do list is never ever ending. I don’t have time to wash and straighten my hair, so how I thought I was going to fit in two lots of exercise a week is laughable.
I’m know I’m lucky I have 3 beautiful children, a roof over my head, a partner who loves me and a job. I shouldn’t moan, but there on the floor of my bedroom this morning I didn’t feel lucky, I just felt pressure, a huge weight permanently on my shoulders and no end in sight!