I can’t believe you are turning one. Where has the last year gone? This time last year I had no idea you would be here in less than 24 hours. Just the niggling worry that something wasn’t right that you weren’t happy. Waiting from when they confirmed you weren’t happy to when I had you in my arms was terrifying. Lying there concentrating trying to feel you move, to know you were ok. The operating theatre was scary, your Daddy stroked my head and was there for both of us, worried too. You came out crying and calmed when they placed you on me, under my gown and covered with a towel to keep you warm. I tried to look at you, to see your face, but you were too high up. They had to squeeze you on me as the rest was being operated on. It didn’t matter though. I could feel you on me, warm and breathing and the relief I felt is something I don’t think I will ever feel again.
I made up for not initially being able to see you properly over the next few days, weeks and months. I will never get bored of looking at your beautiful face. I can remember watching you have a cuddle with your Daddy, I wasn’t feeling great after the section, but watching the love between you melted my heart. It still does now. You are so lucky to have him as a Daddy. He loves you so much!
This last year has been tiring, emotional, amazing and beautiful. The hazy newborn days were full of cuddles and sleep and milk. I try to cling on to the memories and sometimes it seems so clear like it was only yesterday and others it seems like a lifetime ago. I look at pictures of you so tiny and want to pick you up out of the photo and breathe in that newborn smell again.
We have watched you grow and change so much this last year. You are no longer a tiny helpless baby. You are turning into a little girl before our eyes. Each moment, each first I treasure as you are our last. I will never again watch a baby learn to crawl, takes those first steps and say Mama.
As you wobble towards us with a smile on your face I’m so proud of you and I know I will continue to be proud of all of your achievements. I want so much for you, but most of all I want you to be happy, to know you are loved and to believe you are beautiful on the inside and out.
So my beautiful baby girl. I love you so much, Happy Birthday!