1. I’ve had a couple of hours sleep. I was up in the night not once, twice, three times oh no much more than that with the toddler and the 5yr old as he isn’t very well.
2. So I get up tired to a poorly 5yr old and grumpy toddler.
3. Make breakfast for them, the toddler has 3 mouthfuls, gags and then does her passionate arms waving no, no, no. 5yr old decides he doesn’t want his breakfast. 8yr old happily starts to eat his then when he realises his brother isn’t going to school starts complaining of a tummy ache.
4. Go to get clothes for toddler, me and boys. Why can I only find odd socks? Yes you do need to put on clean pants (to the gross 8yr old) The 5yr old has lost the ability to dress himself and the toddler is again perfecting her no and running off.
5. Help the 5yr old get dressed, retrieve the toddler from on top of the coffee table. I quickly chuck on yesterdays clothes (with clean underwear of course).
6. Finally everyone is dressed, no time for make up, the 8yr old is rolling around on the floor as he doesn’t want to go to school. I get everyone’s coats and shoes on and then remember the 8yr old needs a packed lunch today. Back in to the kitchen I tell him he can choose some things to go in it at which point he starts to make a miraculous recovery.
7. No now is not a good time to decide you absolutely must take a specific Match Attax card to School today!
8. Get in the car at the time we usually get to School. Drive through the next village and a guy in a van pulls out into the road from parked at the side missing us by cms. I honk the horn, he turns around totally oblivious and he is on his phone, and breathe!
7. Get to school and pull up at the gates (bonus of being late) so I can run the 8yr old in, the gates to classrooms are being shut as we walk up so I have to sign him in to the late book, the shame.
8. Back in the car with a whingy 5yr old and a gymnastic, shape throwing, arching back master that is the toddler.
9. Home, time for a coffee, no coffee left!
10. Realise I need to go and get some oat milk for the toddler today and we have to go to a big supermarket to get it. Decide this isn’t going to work so I put the TV on and try to do an online shop for click and collect later.
11. 5 year old saying his throat feels funny then starts puking up on the blanket and the sofa!
12. As I’m cleaning this up the toddler empties the box of blueberry wafers that I had just pre sick given her one from and proceeds to happily jump on them all.
13. Finish the food shopping, success!
14. Time for the toddlers lunch, I sit her at the table and she pulls off her bowl of weetabix from this morning. Yes I know I should have moved it but did you read everything that was going on earlier?! The weetabix goes over her, the booster seat, the floor, the table and what is with that stuff it’s like bloody superglue.
15. The 5yr old is asleep on the sofa so I change the toddlers nappy in the play room, she runs off and promptly wee’s on the floor.
16. Nap time and as I take her upstairs she gets the hiccups, making it one long getting to sleep nap time.
17. Come downstairs and they are both asleep so I hastily stuff a twix in my mouth and check my phone. Find out that my post from this morning has half the pictures showing sideways.
18. Sit down to try to rectify the picture problem and the 5yr old wakes up, he’s not happy.
19. My Mum and Dad take pity on me and pick the 8yr old up and my click and collect up for me meaning I avoid any sick in the car and having to get the toddler in the car seat.
20. Think my luck is changing and am pretty pleased with myself that I haven’t lost my **** yet.
21. Shopping gets dropped off by my Dad. I put it away, empty the bin and something has leaked. Cleaning the bin is one of my most hated jobs EVER.
22. Cooking dinner, the 5yr old is still not happy and wants me to sit in the lounge with him stroking his head. The toddler is busy pulling everything out of the recycling bin on to the floor and emptying one of the cupboards.
23. I decide to quickly try to do some washing up and whilst I am filling the sink I hear the oven door open. The toddler! No! I dive across the kitchen and shut it and she is standing there saying ooh. She keeps going back towards it, so I abandon the washing up and take her out of the room. How she managed to open it I don’t know.
24. 5yr old still not happy, the 8yr old however is as I’ve let him play on his PS Vita which he isn’t usually allowed in the week.
25. Dinner time, the 5 yr old doesn’t want anything, doesn’t want to sit at the table and wants me to sit in the lounge with him. So he is crying somewhere between the two rooms. The toddler meanwhile shoves a whole carrot waffle thing in so far that she gags and brings back up most of her dinner again all down her, the booster seat and the floor.
26. Don’t even attempt bathtime tonight, getting undressed is stressful enough as the 5yr old can’t get his jumper off. The toddler is being her usual uncooperative self and the 8yr old is ignoring me.
27. Bedtime and the 5yr old is crying, the toddler takes ages to go to sleep and when I read the 8yr old his story I find myself laughing hysterically at a chapter in the Faraway Tree. I think to myself that I have now officially lost the plot.
28. Come downstairs to a total bombsite, toys everywhere, kitchen cupboards emptied, recycling on the floor, washing up not done and so I’m sitting here typing this up before I go and sort it all. The worst thing is that my partner is away in America till Friday. The 5yr old is crying again. Wish me luck for tonight!