Non bloggers probably wont know what I’m talking about when I say TOTS scores. To most UK parenting bloggers however it’s a big deal. Each month you are ranked against others and given a score which is then displayed on a badge on your blog. I care about my score, I try not to but the truth is I do. I’ve always been competitive and like to know I’m doing well at something and since becoming a Mummy there isn’t a lot that I feel I do very well at. When I started blogging it gave me something to be proud of and my increasing score every month only served to back up my sense of achievement. This month I’ve taken a huge drop of 103 places, now apparently that’s only just over 1% but it feels a lot more to me and I will tell you why.
Last month was one of my best months blogging, a month where I felt like it was coming together. My Facebook page finally hit the magical 1k likes mark and my Twitter is growing daily. I absolutely love Instagram at the moment and having a couple of weeks off work meant my head has been clearer and I’ve had more time to write. I had my highest page views ever last month after worrying about keeping up with the month before and now it all feels like it has been in vain. You see blogging takes over so much of my life. I try and fit in Instagram and Facebook during the day and tend to write in the evenings meaning after putting the children to bed I have no down time. I have deadlines to meet, pictures to take and I’m constantly thinking about the blog, trying to squeeze it all in feels too much. I started blogging as a way of writing, recording and well just for me. I’m not really sure how I’ve ended up here, feeling so down about my special place.
So this month I’m not going to track my page views, I’m not going to look at my badge or apply for opportunities that I never hear back from. I’m going to write when I have the time and if I feel like it. I’m not going to sacrifice time with my children, time with James in the evening and time for me to work my way up a chart that I can fall down on so easily when I have put in the most effort and had the best month ever.
I’m never going to be a top100 blogger or be the most popular and win awards and I guess I’m just going to have to accept that. It’s not the reason I started blogging so it doesn’t need to be a reason to continue. So this is me taking a step back beacause I’ve realised that putting in all the time and effort and missing out isn’t worth it. My time with my children is too precious.
Please don’t get discouraged. I am just in the top 1,000 so I dream of being in top 500 or 100 but the truth is that Tots100 is not a true reflection of effort or success. Tots100 and blogging awards are two parts of blogging that I don’t love. We should not be competing against each other but enjoying blogging journey together. Focus on your family, doing activities you love and write what you love. My children honestly don’t care about my Tots100 score. Your children don’t either. You are the most beautiful, fun person they know. Big hug!
Thanks, I can remember being so pleased when I made it to the top 500. I think it was just the shock of dropping so much after my best month ever, I would understand if I had, had a bad month. You are right my children don’t know and don’t care and they and my family are the most important to me. xx
Oh honey, please don’t feel discouraged. Your blog is fab. You write beautifully and your photos and the look of this blog are gorgeous. I often feel very similar to you. I pretend that things like TOTs, stats, followers and awards don’t really matter but they do. I also feel like I’m quite bad at most things since being a mother and so it can be really disheartening when you think you’re doing well and then Tots come out. But although these things do matter (to us anyway) the most important thing is to blog for yourself and only yourself. I made the conscious decision to do this and it has really helped me feel more confident about my blogging. Hugs Lucy xxxx
Thanks Lucy yes that’s exactly how I feel it totally knocked my confidence. Especially after having the best month I have ever had I just though how am I ever going to get to where I want to be. I’m just going to carry on doing it for me and those who read and enjoy my blog and try and not care so much. Thanks for all your kind words. xx
I can see why you would feel like this, its hard not to get sucked into the whole stats and tots chart. Because blogging is a very isolated thing and it’s not’s a job or even for the people that it is a job, you don’t have a boss. Someone to tell you that you are doing a good job. Some people are ok with their boos never telling them they are good, but for some people that recognition is important. That pat on the back that makes all your effort worthwhile. So for bloggers you only have page views, followers and tots to let you know how you are doing, to give you that virtual pat on the back. Please don’t stop blogging, you are great at it, yes take a step back if that is the right thing for you, but don’t stop. Sending hugs xx
Thanks Laura, think the scores caught me at the wrong time. I don’t want to feel negative about my blog after working so hard on it I want it to be a positive place. I didn’t start blogging for recognition or stats so it’s not the reason for me to continue. I’m just going to try and not put so much on to that side of it and try enjoying it again instead xx
I just wanted to comment that I only found your blog in the past month and have since become an avid reader. I think you blog is wonderful, I love the way you write and that all your posts are brimming with personality. At the risk of sounding like a total loser I’ll admit that I thought your blog was so refreshing that it inspired me start my own (although I have yet to be brave enough to post anything). Please don’t become discouraged by stats, your blog has brought joy to me and all of your other readers.
Magan thank you so much for your lovely comment, you honestly have no idea how much it means to read something like this so thank you. Let me know when you start your blog and if you need any help, I would be more than happy to help in anyway xx
Oh no I find it really sad to think your blog is getting you down. I can totally understand how bloggers get caught up in rankings, awards etc, we are all naturally a bit competitive after all, but hopefully you will see from people’s responses to this post that you have a fab blog with a loyal following! I’m 3 months in so blogging is still new and exciting for me but your post has made me promise myself that I’ll never let my blog become something negative in my life so thank you for that! I think your attitude to how you deal with this feeling is perfect though, there are way more important things in life to be doing than stressing over a blog right? I hope you feel a bit better and in a more positive frame of mind today xx
I have never understood the stats and the number side of blogging which I think is a good thing, but I do notice when a post isn’t as well received or I lose followers on social media. It’s very hard not to feel a little dejected but I have recently wrote a similar post about remembering the reasons why I blog, and self gain or financial reward was never a part of it. I would much rather spend the time with my children than to sit here and write about it, but when I do get the time then it’s very therapeutic for me to blog! Its all about balance isn’t it? #picknmix
Damn right. You need to do what’s best for you. I sit just,and I mean just outside the top 500 and guess what, I couldn’t care less. Write things you want to write, and don’t worry about what the stats say. Why else did you get into blogging? #picknmix
I love your blog, it’s very honest and fresh. I believe in blogging when you feel like it. I only joined tots 100 last month and came in at 739. I have never really bothered before with stats but now I am on maternity leave I have to keep my brain busy, I’m just one of those people that needs to stimulate my brain. Sometimes its refreshing to step back xx
#picknmix
That you still want to write and blog even when you are stressed and discouraged shows that you have a passion and a message and that is in my eyes the core of what it means to have a blog. It’s not about the numbers and scores, as much as we like those and as much as those can help us back in return, when it all boils down its about what you share, your message.
Glad to hear you are still going to be posting and that you have the awareness and self-care to know when you need to dial back and refocus.
Much love and thanks for sharing <3
Katie, hopping over from #PicknMix
I love your blog, your posts are always so honest and real. It is hard for me to say don’t worry about stats because I’m the least competitive person ever. If you had your best ever blogging month then be proud of yourself for that, don’t stress over the tots score. I hope you enjoy your more relaxed approach to blogging, I look at my stats about once a month and I’m not even on tots and I’m totally happy with that. Big hugs xx #picknmix
Your blog is great! Blog what you want when you want, it should be enjoyable, you’re right, time with family is too precious to waste, you don’t know what’s around the corner. Looking forward to continuing to follow your journey in whatever form it takes. #pickNmix
Have you read Slouching Towards Thatcham’s post on 7 myths about Tots 100? It’s a VERY interesting read and proof that it’s not all about the numbers – here it is https://slouchingtowardsthatcham.com/2016/04/08/7-myths-about-the-tots100-rankings/ #picknmix
I think we all go through this at some point or another. This is shaping up to me another strong month, but Jan and Feb my reader numbers were in the toilet. Sometimes we just need to step back and remember what we really are trying to accomplish
Good for you lovely, I had a couple of weeks off while we were on holiday and it was nice not to be checking on stats & comments etc all the time. Just remember the reasons you started blogging in the first place and judge its success based on that. Enjoy the little people they don’t stay little for long!
I’m a newbie to blogging but I don’t think I’ll ever be organised or dedicated enough to compete with all the fab blogs out there (yours included! I already find it a struggle sometimes to keep up with all the social media and promotion of posts etc, and I’m only posting about once a week! Taking a little step back from things that we feel under pressure from is a good idea. Helps to put things into perspective x #picknmix
I hated that it was all getting to you so much, so I love this post. It si so easy to get obsessed with the stats as they are there in our faces all the time, but you need to enjoy blogging and not feel it is something you have to do to keep a certain number up or to go up in a ranking system etc.
Just concentrate on enjoying your blog, loving the bits that are what started you blogging in the first place and more importantly let it fit around you and your children never the other way around. You have a gorgeous blog so just keep doing what you do beautiful
Stevie xx
Oh it’s a tricky one isn’t it?! I have been suffering from morning sickness and really struggled to sit down and write. Blogging is my hobby but somewhere along the line it turned into something I felt guilty about when I wasn;t churning 3 posts out a week, when I wasn’t on top of social media. etc. I have had to take a step back too. For the record I think your blog is ace and would kill for mine to be as good as yours!! #picknmix xx
I think we can’t push all of the time. Or else it becomes too much & it can be overwhelming. I am having a lot of the same thoughts that you are this month as I’m struggling to find a life / blog balance – as always! I don’t think one exists. Taking time off is a good idea & taking a step back too. I plan on doing that once I get caught up on all these review posts that have all of a sudden come together! #picknmix x
I think that’s a good attitude to have. It’s so easy to get really caught up & invested in the stats, but it seems to me that they are often beyond any control. I can’t honestly see much rhyme or reason for either the unusually good months or the ones where it just seems impossible to get the usual traffic whatever you do. There’s no point stressing about it and ruining other aspects of your life over something that really isn’t a measure of talent or anything particularly rational anyway. #picknmix