The guilt of motherhood

The guilt for me started when I was pregnant with my first. I remember crying about something, as you do when you are pregnant, and thinking that it was affecting the baby. This made me cry more and I realised there was going to be someone else who everything I did had an impact on.

Roll on 7 years and I still feel guilty most days! I wanted to be one of those Mums who only ever cooks organic, nutritionally balanced meals. Does arts and crafts and educational activities everyday. That has perfectly behaved children, with perfect manners. A mum who is always on time and never stressy or in a rush. That never shouts, cries with frustration, and always looks good! 
If there is a Mum out there that manages all of this then you must be superwoman. (Please give me some tips) I have my good days, but I also have my BAD days where from the minute I get woken up to the minute they go to bed it’s not one single thing from that list! 
I started off well. When weaning my first I bought organic veg and lovingly made purΓ©es and meals. I did loads of crafty, educational things and had time to focus 100% attention on him. However I quickly realised I’m not a very punctual person, I’m more of a go with the flow. This is fine when it’s just you. But getting caught up in something and then realising you have to also get a toddler ready with the inevitable nappy change means you are usually running late. Its easier now they are older, but I used to be so pleased when I arrived somewhere early. I was never on time. Always early or late. 
Sometimes they are in bed and I remember I haven’t read with my eldest. Some weekends it gets to a Sunday evening and I realise that I still need to get their uniform ready/washed. I will admit to going to the shop first thing to buy bread to make sandwiches for a packed lunch! I don’t always look immaculate and I’m not always patient. When they are both not listening and I’ve had a long day at work, I shout at them and then cry with frustration. I cook chicken nuggets and don’t always make sure they have 5 a day. 
I do however do my best. They know they are loved and they love me. That is the most important thing! 
           Super Busy Mum


        

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18 Comments

  1. September 24, 2014 / 12:00 pm

    Guilt follows a mother around so much of the time. It seems like no matter which decision you make on an issue, there is someone doing it differently or better! I always think there are people like the superwoman you described, but I’ve never met anyone who actually is. Must be a mythical women invented to give us more guilt! πŸ™‚ #sharewithme

    • Eilidh Gallagher
      October 12, 2014 / 2:19 pm

      I dod have a friend who is a bit of a supermum, well I thought she was till I got to know her better, I think some just hide it better than others x

  2. September 24, 2014 / 12:07 pm

    I think you’re being very hard on yourself – as you say the most important thing is that they are loved and know it, and you’ve got that nailed – the rest of it can wait, or just live in the fictitious world of Pinterest mummies lives!!

    • Eilidh Gallagher
      October 12, 2014 / 2:13 pm

      Pinterest mummies πŸ˜‰ I wish, thanks x

  3. September 24, 2014 / 12:24 pm

    Yep good and bad days. Point is to just make a change and move on each day and not get worried about it. Easier said than done I know! #MMWBH

    • Eilidh Gallagher
      October 12, 2014 / 2:18 pm

      That’s what I try and do if I have a particularly bad day, look at is as how I can learn from it and not repeat it. x

  4. September 24, 2014 / 12:40 pm

    Guilt is a pest that sits on the shoulders of every Mother and for the tinest of things too! Your doing your best, like we all do and they are loved, and they love you. Thats all that matters! Thanks for linking up with #MMWBH xx

    http://www.superbusymum.net

    • Eilidh Gallagher
      October 12, 2014 / 2:18 pm

      Thanks, it is all that matters πŸ™‚ x

  5. September 24, 2014 / 12:46 pm

    I’m sure there are a lot of people who manage to be the mum or dad they thought they would be before baby actually arrived, but from my experience they are few.

    Everybody feels the way you do. Or should I say everybody I have spoken to.

    I wanted to exclusively breastfeed; I was DEAD against Gwenn having a dummy; I would not allow her to watch any TV; she was only allowed to eat organic whole foods.

    The reality is that she combi fed from day 2; she is the world’s greatest dummy fiend; she watches 30 mins of TV every day just so I can get out of the house looking decent; she barely eats a thing so I relent and she eats HobNobs in the bath.

    I’m a huge fan of attachment parenting and I try to live by it but, as I genuinely need to go to work three days a week, the guilt of being separated from her follows me around constantly. It’s not how I wanted it to be but it’s just how it is.

    You are doing your best which is more than enough for your children. They would think you were ace even if you were seriously rubbish!!!

    xx

    #madmidweekbloghop

    • Eilidh Gallagher
      October 12, 2014 / 2:14 pm

      Oh I know the guilt of leaving to go to work all too well. Glad its not just me x

  6. September 24, 2014 / 6:19 pm

    I’m sure that in the delivery room they implant a guilt chip. As a parent there are so many conflicting theories and advice that you can’t do right for doing wrong! As long as children are well cared for and happy (well, most of the time) then I think we’re all doing a good job.

    • Eilidh Gallagher
      October 12, 2014 / 2:17 pm

      Very true, you just have to do the best for you and your child/children x

  7. September 24, 2014 / 8:37 pm

    Ahhh bless you, we are all in the same boat. Even if they look perfect on pinterest or on their blogs. We shout, we cry, we get frustrated, our kids have snotty noses even when we promised they would always be clean, every kid has at least one tantrum or two in public and embarrasses us. it’s reality and it sounds you are doing absolutely perfect my lovely. Your kids are thriving and happy and loved that’s all that matter in this world! The rest will fall into place. Great post. I always strive to achieve the unrealistic and it never works it just leaves me shouting more and more frustrated I have come to realized. Take one day at a time. Thanks for linking up to Share WIth Me #sharewithme

    • Eilidh Gallagher
      October 12, 2014 / 2:17 pm

      Oh the public tantrums, first monkey was an expert at these, Im a pro at ignoring them now, although an old man did make me cry once by telling me that if I was paying more attention to my child, he wouldn’t be having one!!! x

  8. September 25, 2014 / 12:25 pm

    I love the honesty of this post, and as others have said already, we all go through the same thing. I beat myself up constantly. I try to remember this though: when my son was about 6 weeks old and screaming his head off in a cafe, I said to my MIL that I was starting to feel bad for having taken him out at all. She turned to me and said, “your children will make you feel bad no matter what you do, so just do what YOU think is best. And have your goddamn coffee”.

    • Eilidh Gallagher
      October 12, 2014 / 2:15 pm

      I love what your MIL said and its very true πŸ™‚ x

  9. September 27, 2014 / 7:30 am

    Ah, we all do our best in our own way but that guilt will always be there sometimes. Its horrid, and I wish it wasn’t but it is x x x

    • Eilidh Gallagher
      October 12, 2014 / 2:15 pm

      Thanks, I dont know why us Mums put so much pressure on ourselves x

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