when it’s all a bit too much

This morning I sat on the floor of my messy bedroom, on a carpet that needs a hoover, next to a pile of dirty clothes to wash and a pile clean clothes to put away. I sat there with my heavy head in my hands, hot tears silently rolling down my cheeks, wishing I was somewhere else. Away from the boys arguing on the floor below and the long day stretching in front of me.

School drop off, back to try and clean the house, squeeze in some playtime with Ava, work, lunch, more of the same, school pick up, dentist appointment, tea, arguing, bath, bedtime, more work, then bed. Inane jobs and an inane existence that left me wondering on the floor of my bedroom this morning how my life turned into this.

I didn’t want to have to get dressed, sort out the drama downstairs, paint a smile on my face for the School run. I wanted to stay on the floor of my bedroom and carry on crying.  

This isn’t how I pictured life. A job I’m trapped in with no where to go, a constantly messy house no matter how hard I try. Working 2 jobs with no time off and still no money.No sleep, no time, no break! 

I promised I would take better care of myself, create some time, but it seems impossible when my to do list is never ever ending. I don’t have time to wash and straighten my hair, so how I thought I was going to fit in two lots of exercise a week is laughable.

I’m know I’m lucky I have 3 beautiful children, a roof over my head, a partner who loves me and a job. I shouldn’t moan, but there on the floor of my bedroom this morning I didn’t feel lucky, I just felt pressure, a huge weight permanently on my shoulders and no end in sight!

when it's all a bit too much

22 Comments

  1. Rebecca
    October 10, 2016 / 8:04 pm

    It’s ok to feel like this sometimes, your not being ungrateful, just under a lot of pressure. Give yourself a break and pick one thing out of your list you want to achieve that day. Then you will feel like youve actually achieved something. Anything else that gets done is a bonus. I hope tomorrow is a better data for you.

  2. October 11, 2016 / 8:16 pm

    Oh Eilidh when it gets to you, it’s so overwhelming isn’t it? Perhaps you can shake your day up a bit. Another trip to the forest in those new wellies of Ava’s, rain or shine? Take 5 to start on one of those jobs on your list. Here’s hoping you feel better about it very soon.
    Carol Cameleon recently posted…How a pocket money plan nearly backfired!My Profile

  3. October 12, 2016 / 6:48 pm

    Oh honey, it’s okay to feel like this. It doesn’t make you ungrateful, it makes you human. We all gets days like this so be a bit kinder to yourself and if that means crying on your bedroom floor then you cry away. xo
    Amy | All Things Amy recently posted…A #BrightFuture For My Son…My Profile

  4. October 14, 2016 / 6:57 am

    Oh lovely I know how exactly how you feel because I often feel the same. I am constantly chasing my tail and feel always overwhelmed – and I don’t know how to fix it!! I am sorry you are feeling like this but it is nice to know I’m not alone! #picknmix

  5. October 14, 2016 / 8:15 am

    My heart goes out to you. It is really okay to feel like this. Life is really hard work at times and a bit of despair and self pity is normal. We can know that we are lucky but we don’t have to feel it all the time. there are no easy fixes apart from being really kind to yourself. Messy houses don’t matter! #picknmix
    Kirsten Toyne recently posted…Valuing Our Role As ParentsMy Profile

  6. October 14, 2016 / 8:59 am

    Thank you for your honesty. It’s tough raising a family, having to work and have time for yourself as well. It’s never too late to change career path if you feel so unhappy in your job. I’m sure your family would support you in that.

  7. October 14, 2016 / 9:39 am

    Oh, I have been that person sitting on the floor crying. I’m sorry you feel like that today. There is so much expected of us these days – and we expect so much of ourselves – that sometimes only a good cry will do. Sending you hugs and hoping you feel better soon 🙂
    PS Forget about the messy house.
    #PicknMix
    Suz recently posted…Are you teaching your child NOT to read for fun?My Profile

  8. October 14, 2016 / 11:31 am

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. We all go through phases of it I think. Keep on going – you’re doing a fantastic job #picknmix

  9. October 14, 2016 / 5:32 pm

    Pressures are everywhere in this world today. Sometimes we just crack, we are human, wouldn’t be if we didn’t feel this way sometimes. And its good for us to feel like this sometimes, let it all out – wake up tomorrow feeling a bit better. But hey, you are doing a fabulous job! Don’t be so hard on yourself. I only have the one child but I’m sure my bedroom carpet could give yours a good run for your money. Embrace today – tomorrow it’s the past and your children are another day older. Life won’t always be or feel this way. Be love to you! #picnmix

  10. October 14, 2016 / 6:48 pm

    Oh sending big hugs! It’s so hard sometimes to stick that smile on isn’t it?! #PicknMix xx
    Rachel recently posted…4 Years Ago I Became MummyMy Profile

  11. October 15, 2016 / 6:22 am

    Oh hun I know exactly how you feel, you’re not alone. I had a massive clean of the house the other day and literally the next day such a huge mess was made you’d never have known how much effort I’d just gone to. It made me feel so defeated. But we keep on, because no matter how it seems all things are temporary. There are days with no school run or arguing where you make wonderful family memories, and days where the house is spotless and you can afford a take away and everything feels easy. I hope you feel better soon xx #picnmix
    Claire recently posted…It’s the little things that get you.My Profile

  12. October 15, 2016 / 12:44 pm

    Oh on the beginning I was feel like that most of the time. Now when my boy is 6 months is much better but of course when I see so many clothes ready to iron, when I need to cook something for my husband and my baby is crying (and you can’t say why) I’m sitting with him on the play mat and we crying together:D
    #PicknMix
    ohmummymia recently posted…We never lost him!My Profile

  13. October 16, 2016 / 7:59 am

    You are not the only one lovely, I have days like this too. I don’t even have a job to go to but sometimes the pressures of being a mum is hard enough. You are doing a great job, we all have bad days xx #picknmix
    wendy recently posted…A letter to my first bornMy Profile

  14. October 16, 2016 / 8:00 am

    You are not the only one lovely, I have days like this too. I don’t even have a job to go to but sometimes the pressures of being a mum is hard enough. You are doing a great job, we all have bad days xx x#picknmix
    wendy recently posted…A letter to my first bornMy Profile

  15. October 18, 2016 / 5:59 am

    Thank you for writing this down and have you probably already know you are not alone. When there is no break and the treadmill of life keeps going it gets to you. I hope you can find sometime for you soon for you to clear your head. Sending virtual hugs. #PicknMix
    Jo from Organised Jo recently posted…5 steps to organise your GarageMy Profile

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