New Years Eve My Recurring Nightmare

This time of year is a bit weird for me, New Years Eve is a night of celebration for many and it is for me too. I now have the added bonus that no matter what I do on New Years Eve it would have to be pretty shockingly crap to be worse than it was 3 years ago.

new years eve

At the moment I don’t know what day of the week it is, struggle to get out of my pyjamas and am constantly trying to find new homes for too many toys. All normal for the week between Christmas and New Year. However I’m also having nightly nightmares, recurring horrible dreams on the same theme that wake me up in sweat and tears, that leave me feeling distressed for hours. They feature James cheating on me, leaving me, telling me that he hates me. They feel so real and I wake in a panic not sure if what I’m dreaming is true. I’m pretty sure it’s to do with the time of year and although I’m not consciously thinking about it, my subconscious tells me different.

Three years ago on New Years Eve my little world as I knew it came crashing down around me as my then worst fears were confirmed and I found out my now ex husband was having an affair. That moment is one that I will never forget, the crushing feeling, the nausea, the confusion, the hurt. A bomb was dropped on my life and it shattered. I’ve put it back together and it’s stronger now, happier and healthier, but obviously the scars still run deep. 

James has given me no reason to doubt him, I know he loves me and our family and would never do anything to hurt us. Having had the same thing done to him, he also knows how it feels and so I feel guilty for my dreams. I wish that I could stop them, but I have no idea how? 

This New Years Eve I will spend with him after putting the children to bed and we will have a nice meal, maybe some champagne and watch a film. I will cherish these ordinary moments, no big parties, no massive celebration. But I will be celebrating, that I and my children are safe and happy and loved as ultimately that’s what is important. 

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17 Comments

  1. December 30, 2015 / 2:07 pm

    Oh hun, that seriously cannot be nice. I hate yhe time between Christmas and New year, its like a limbo. i do hope the new year brings an end to these horrible dreams xx

  2. December 30, 2015 / 3:41 pm

    Oh gosh! How awful….Sending hugs! I can understand why you worry…..It’s something you will never forget.
    I hope you have a wonderful new years eve and 2016 is wonderful for you x

  3. January 1, 2016 / 1:46 am

    Aww I’m so sorry for what happened! I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like! But as you say, you now have a good man and beautiful kiddies so your world seems pretty perfect to me! Hope you had a nice New Year’s with your champagne and movie (which one?). All the best for 2016!! x #PickNMix

  4. January 1, 2016 / 9:53 am

    Nice story and hope u had a great new years eve

  5. January 1, 2016 / 10:01 am

    That is a horrible thing to happen to you and I think it’s inevitable that something that changed your life like that will have an affect on your life, but you seem so much happier now and that is a good thing. I hope this year you can work at putting the demons to rest #picknmix

  6. January 1, 2016 / 10:25 am

    Sorry to hear your story. Could you not turn it on its head and look at it as the first day of the new lovely life you have now. Perhaps sharing as you have done here will allow your subconscious and conscious brain to get back into balance and the dreams will stop – alternatively tell your hubby you have to take a holiday every new year – I bet spending the week on the beach (not in the UK obviously) would help!

  7. January 1, 2016 / 1:19 pm

    What an awful bombshell! I’ve always hated New Year’s – instead of looking forward, as I know I should, I tend to look back and dwell on things. :/ Here’s to hoping for a great 2016! x #picknmix

  8. January 1, 2016 / 2:21 pm

    3 years ago sounds rubbish, I hope last night was every bit as lovely as it sounds. #PicknMix

  9. January 1, 2016 / 3:45 pm

    *hugs* its hard to let go of past hurt, but looking around at what you have now should bring you joy and help find peace.

  10. January 1, 2016 / 4:03 pm

    How awful! Sending hugs and love for 2016 #picknmix xx

  11. January 2, 2016 / 11:57 am

    Dreams can be awful sometimes, isn’t it? However, most of the dreams are far from reality…. Sounds like you had a quiet and lovely time together! Hope 2016 is good for all of us! #PicknMix

  12. January 3, 2016 / 9:20 am

    Aww I’m sorry that happened to you, such a horrible thing to happen at any time of year. Hopefully the nightmares will stop now new years eve has passed. Hope you and James had a lovely night xx #picknmix

  13. January 3, 2016 / 9:03 pm

    Oh lovely how awful. But I can tell how happy you are now and you have a family to cherish. #picknmix xx

  14. January 3, 2016 / 10:33 pm

    This is a very brave post. I know how it is. I also was cheated in my last relationship, but luckily we did not have any children then. I hope you had a good dinner evening with James. Big hugs. xxx

  15. January 4, 2016 / 5:08 pm

    I can understand the link between your dream and insecurities. There is nothing worse then someone breaking your trust. But your partner is not the same person so bold in to that. And what a postitbd to celebrate as there is nothing that beats the feeling of safety X #picknmix

  16. Nige
    January 5, 2016 / 1:31 pm

    That’s awful hope you can get pass the nightmares soon great post thanks for hosting

  17. January 5, 2016 / 9:48 pm

    Aw sweetheart I know you had a really rough time, so it’s not surprising there are some anxieties hidden deep down, but you and James seem so strong, just ignore the dreams and they’ll go away eventually.

    I once dreamt that Simon had cheated on me…I woke him up to tell him off for kissing Sam Bailey off the ex factor….he told me he was going back to sleep to dream it properly with Cheryl Cole ha! The cheek 😉

    Stevie xx

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