Why do I pretend to be a Perfect Housewife?

I really don’t know why I do it and was wondering if anyone else does the same. James works away and since he has been doing it I’ve got into the habit of making the house tidy before he comes back. It’s not like I have enough to do already looking after 3 children and one who isn’t very good at sleeping meaning I’m exhausted. I rush around like a mad women at least for the 24 hours before he is back, sometimes I will plan and start it days before writing a list of a plan of action. The house is always cluttered, there is always washing that could be done and toys to be put away. I try and keep on top of it although I know he would disagree that I do. I think one time a comment after hours of work was, it’s getting better (still room for improvement then!). Some weeks if work is busy, I don’t have time to wash my hair never-mind the bathroom! Maybe that’s where this has come from. I want to prove that I can do it, I can be this perfect housewife that I feel I should be.

Why do I do IT- (1)

 

I remember my Mum would always have to have a clean and tidy the house before anyone came over, even making sure it was spotless before we went on holiday. I thought she was mad and swore I would never be like it but I am. The thought of someone turning up unannounced fills me with fear. I guess I think people will judge me for how my house is. It’s not usually dirty unless someone has trodden in some mud or there are crumbs on the floor from a snack. We don’t have a dishwasher at the moment which stresses me out as it means you can’t hide the dirty dishes anywhere and the kitchen always looks cluttered. I hoover at least once a day but yes it could be cleaner if no one lived in it. 

This afternoon we came back home after I had been shopping and the boys had been at football, I drove past the country park and thought of stopping but the little voice in the back of my head was telling me all the stuff I needed to do. It’s not the first time I’ve put off doing things to get tidy. I’ve even put off play dates and days out if they are the day before he comes back as I know I will need to be cleaning. I’ve do it with friends too putting people off coming over, the thought of all the things I would need to do to make the house perfect makes me break out in a cold sweat.  

The thing is that because I started doing it, I feel like I need to keep it up. I think the first time he was away for a stretch of time his Mum was coming to visit the day he got back, so I really did need to make the house clean and tidy. I spent days with Ava on me in the sling trying to get a bit at a time done. So now if he comes home to a total bomb site, which to be honest is what it should be after the last few days we have had, in my head I will look like I’ve failed and I think it would be in his head too. I know I haven’t really, the kids are alive, relatively clean (hopefully) and there is food in the cupboards. So why do I feel the need to do it, I’m far from the perfect housewife, it’s not something I ever wanted to be so why do I beat myself up about it?

 

 

32 Comments

  1. July 27, 2016 / 5:39 am

    i honestly don’t know why you do it either! My thinking is that it’s cluttered because I have kids. And there’s dog hair everywhere because j have dogs. And it’s my house and I have better things to do with my time than tidy up. So I do a quick dash tidy up daily and then once a month so a pepper clean. It’s not perfect and the dog hair gets on my nerves but it’s gotta do!

    So relax lovely! And next time stop at the park, sod the housework!
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  2. July 27, 2016 / 6:16 am

    Big hugs darling, you definitely aren’t alone but you do need to cut yourself some slack. You’re a loving mother who goes through a lot with a gorgeous girl who doesn’t sleep well, never mind having your boys too and having to keep them all dressed, fed and entertained AND it’s the summer holidays AND you don’t have a dishwasher.

    Like I’ve told you, I’ve had the odd comment in relation to my inability to keep the house perfect but if it’s not unhygienic, there’s a plate each to eat from and an outfit each to wear that is perfectly good enough.

    Try not to put so much pressure on yourself, James needs to understand just how much you do in a day and that additional chores should be a shared responsibility, or that a cleaner is a life saver!xx

  3. July 27, 2016 / 6:29 am

    I grew up in a spotless home but I realised recently that my mother actually enjoys cleaning, it helps tame her nervous energy and gives her a sense of control. I do respect people with clean house but I really envy people with charmingly disorganised homes, people who have washing casually strewn on sofas and then just sweep it aside to let you sit down. I love that ‘I’m too cool for school and busy making crafts with my kids for cleaning vibe’. I’d give yourself a week off, just to see how you feel; I’m sure you’ll find no one really cares.

  4. July 27, 2016 / 6:30 am

    I know exactly what you mean! I often think that Andy comes through the front door and thinks what has she been doing all day. I feel like I have to give him very detail of the day to explain why things are the way they are or that I did hoover 2 hours ago, but you wouldn’t think it now! And the thought of people coming over makes me panic and I often don’t invite people because of everything I would have to do! Why do we do this to ourselves? I wish I could be more relaxed about it or have cleaning fairies x
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  5. July 29, 2016 / 6:43 am

    I am envious of your dedication! I would love to have a house I was proud of and know exactly what you mean about fearing people coming round and thinking its a mess .. But somehow we just can’t seem to keep it tidy. I think you should give yourself a break sometimes though and just think about what you’ll remember in the future – the play date or tidying! #PicknMix

  6. July 29, 2016 / 9:17 am

    It would be easy for me to tell you to relax!! But I’m similar. I managed all the house stuff whilst on MAT leave and did it pretty well in the end but now I’m back at work its a nightmare and makes me feel very stressed!! I can do the shopping and tidy but how the he’ll do you actually clean when you have 2 kids and a job? Grrrrr #picknmix

  7. July 29, 2016 / 9:30 am

    Ah bless you, I’m always cleaning and I find it so frustrating! Life is far too short, like you say as long as everyone is fed and watered we are winning!

    #PicknMix

  8. July 29, 2016 / 10:14 am

    I don’t know why you do it either, I always leave it till my other half is home to help with the mess. I always ensure the house is spotless before visitors or we go on holiday though, I think thats so that when I come back I can just sit down with a cuppa and relax (at least until the washing machine is finished! #picknmix

  9. Helen
    July 29, 2016 / 11:12 am

    I don’t know why we do it either?! I felt the pressure when on maternity leave because I felt guilty for not being at work all day. I try not to worry so much now 🙂 #PicknMix

    Helen x

  10. July 29, 2016 / 11:31 am

    I do this quite a bit but it depends who is coming over. If it’s a good friend then I don’t mind as much as I know they won’t mind. They’re coming to see you, not your house! With my soon to be ex-husband I would tidy to avoid arguments or to keep him happy…I’m so glad I won’t have to be doing that anymore! Silver clouds 😉 Tor xx #Picknmix
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  11. July 29, 2016 / 1:08 pm

    I know what you mean exactly… I often have a manic tidy before Si gets in, even if I’ve been working all day so haven’t had the chance to do anything… for me I think it’s because I grew up in a house where nothing was ever tidy or clean and I was embarrassed to have people home sometimes… so although my house is a mess at the moment, I can’t cope with many people seeing it is a mess lol.

    Stevie xx
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  12. July 29, 2016 / 1:15 pm

    We all put so much unnecessary pressure on ourselves! I clean up like a mad woman when someone is due to come over and it sounds like you’ve put your OH coming back home into that category. What’s the worst that could happen if the place is a tip? What’s the worst that could happen if we ask for help? Why put of having some fun for the sake of a tidy home? Questions I ask myself all the time! Totally Relate! #picknmix

  13. July 29, 2016 / 2:18 pm

    You shouldn’t be putting so much pressure on yourself! I’m lucky if the hoover comes out once a week and I’ve only 1 child! I do get the panic if I know someone is calling to have everything as perfect as possible! As for anyone calling unannounced – heart attack territory right there Tell your hubby you want a cleaner once a week! If I have more children then that’s my plan #picknmix
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  14. July 29, 2016 / 2:50 pm

    Unexpected visitors are my worst nightmare. We live in a total bomb site usually but if I know someone is coming round I’ll go mad cleaning and tidying as if it’s always like that! Definitely need to find a balance #picknmix
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  15. July 29, 2016 / 2:51 pm

    I always beat myself up about clutter too! But then I tidy it away and lose stuff. So there you go – mess is best! #picknmix

  16. July 29, 2016 / 3:02 pm

    Take a leaf out of Frozen’s book and ‘let it go’. My mum was the same as yours and I have point blank refused to be like that. Our house is clean but I won’t hoover twice a day, every day and I won’t put on a full face of make up just for the school run or change all the beds before we go on holiday. It’s quite cleansing NOT doing all these things we feel we should just to keep up appearances x
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  17. July 29, 2016 / 7:55 pm

    I dont think there;s anything wrong with taking pride in your house hun. My partner and i seperated last summer hence my break from the blogging but i still like to tidy up at the end of the day so i feel like i do have a adult home as well as children who run amok 🙂 thanks for having me x #picknmix

  18. July 29, 2016 / 10:01 pm

    OMG I could have written this post myself. My husband works away too and the two days before he comes back I work solidly to get the place sorted (for his part he does tell me not to). In fact, my oldest (7) knows the routine all too well now and whenever I get to giving the house a thorough cleaning he asks if his Dad is coming home in a few days! The idea of people turning up unannounced fills me with dread too. I have no idea why we do it to ourselves either. #PoCoLo

  19. July 29, 2016 / 11:04 pm

    My mum is always going on at me about the state of my house. It’s not dirty I clean everyday but it’s cluttered. Her house has always been minimal and immaculate I could never live up to her standards and don’t bother trying. However when the in-laws come in I rush around cleaning like a made woman and de cluttering just so it looks like I am the perfect house wife #picknmix
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  20. July 30, 2016 / 2:48 pm

    I do a quick tidy once the kids are at school but school holidays are a different story!! Tidying while kids are home is like trying to brush your teeth while you’re eating a kitkat :0) #PicknMix

  21. July 30, 2016 / 8:18 pm

    To be honest i’m exactly the same, I may have a little OCD!

    Now I have started my own handmade business I seem to be getting worse. I work from my kitchen and I must wipe the surfaces down about 50 times a day.

    I need to just keep thinking the kiddies grow up so quickly, yet the cleaning will always be there.

    I hope you find your happy balance. xxx

  22. July 30, 2016 / 8:57 pm

    What is it about us women! Why do we put so much on ourselves to achieve things as well as keeping the kids clean, fed and healthy! And there is no way you can keep a tidy house during the school holiday. I think I spent the whole of Friday miring tidying the house after a hectic week at work to turn around to see the kids undoing all my work!! #PicknMix
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  23. July 31, 2016 / 2:21 am

    It’s very hard not to feel like this! For me personally my husband and I are messy and unorganized so we have a hard time with it. I am always a disaster when people are coming over because we just always have things piled up everywhere it seems. Not really dirty but just needing to be picked up. I’ve eventually given up on doing it all the time and just focus on the kitchen and bathrooms. There is only so much time in the day after all. Good Luck to you and thanks for hosting #PicknMix

  24. July 31, 2016 / 2:33 am

    I know how you feel. Before my fiancé walks in the door i do a massive clean up and the kids are right behind me unpacking the toys i just put away or messing up the clothes I’m folding. And if he doesn’t notice i tell him all the things i did. I wanted to feel appreciated to. On the other hand i have given myself permission to lets things relax a bit. I try to do everything and if i can’t then i can’t and i will do them later that night.

  25. July 31, 2016 / 8:44 am

    I am like this – I can’t face the thought of having people coming round and not having cleaned the house from top to toe! Knowing that my house isn’t clean gives ma anxiety too so it’s like a battle mith myself to try and keep on top of it! #PicknMix
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  26. July 31, 2016 / 8:56 am

    I’m the same I want to be the ‘perfect housewife’ and it it just doesn’t happen! I think no matter how much you clean and tidy every day the only way to have it looking magazine perfect is literally to not live there! Don’t beat yourself up about it lovely. Hope you have a lovely weekend and thanks for hosting! xx #picknmix

  27. July 31, 2016 / 12:47 pm

    I am exactly the same! I try and juggle cleaning the house, doing the washing and cooking dinner whilst paying attention to my little man. It is so tricky to find a balance and give yourself a break #picknmix

  28. July 31, 2016 / 4:08 pm

    I do this too. I regularly think over what I should be doing and at times it’s instead of taking the kids somewhere fun. We really need to stop putting pressure on ourselves and just do what we are able to do in the time we have. #picknmix

  29. July 31, 2016 / 8:51 pm

    As the poem goes housework can wait our children grow up way too fast so enjoy playing with them while you can. #PicknMix

  30. August 4, 2016 / 4:27 pm

    Totally get where you’re coming from i too feel the pressure but I’m significantly less stressed with new Bubs. Whether it’s old age I don’t know but I’m now very much of the opinion that it will all still be there tomorrow and that I refuse to lose out on time with my kids before they are all grown up. It also means I end up with one mega laundry-put-away but I kind of like that ad it all gets done in one go!! Yay!
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  31. August 5, 2016 / 5:44 pm

    There’s nothing wrong with a house that looks lived in – after all thats the whole point isn’t it? I have to admit that I’m kind of the same and find myself dashing around doing last minute chores just before my partner walks in #Picnmix

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